Lately I’m full of all kinds of good advice. Or full of something, anyway. And since we’re here, and my heart is brimming, it’d be a shame to let all this sage-i-ness go to waste by not seizing the moment.
So seize it we will.
Now I don’t want to alarm you, but it has come to my attention that we are in a crisis as to who, or what to believe anymore. Don’t believe me? There. See what I mean? It’s as if our own eyes, ears, and general brainpower, heretofore always considered trustworthy instruments, are no longer the reliable witnesses they once were in determining veracity. And that’s a shame.
But I’m here to help. And help I will.
So without any further adieu, and for no particular reason, I give you:
The MISFITS’ GUIDE to FIGURING OUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE ENCOUNTERING MISS INFORMATION… or MISINFORMATION… AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
(or, How Can you Tell if it’s TRUE?)
1. Does it seem credible? Authoritative? Well documented? Does the person disseminating the information have impeccable credentials from respectable institutions?
That’s a surefire sign you are being duped! Rookie mistake, but forgivable, as long as you quickly acknowledge it with due contrition and penitence, making appropriate apologies to all offended parties, including those who are triggered by pesky facts that only a few short months ago were grounds for censorship, if not outright cancellation. Never mind if those pesky facts have since been confirmed as valid. What matters is the lasting memory of their falseness. Just promise that you’ll be more careful vetting your sources from now on.
2. Does it ring true?
Great hornswoggle! Are you even paying attention? Go back and read #1, you headstrong thing, you. If you can’t trust unsanctioned crackpots with Ivy league degrees, you certainly can’t trust yourself! In other words, if it seems true, and resonates with someplace deep inside of the core of your being, then of course you must immediately dismiss it. Unless of course it’s from an Expert. But not just any expert, mind you; it must be An APPROVED Expert, and if you have any doubt as to which experts are on the APPROVED list, well, just follow the signs to… SETTLED SCIENCE. Duh.
3. Are you confused by seeming contradictions, double speak and what can only be interpreted as intentional obfuscation?
Excellent! You are on the right path, grasshopper. The path to enlightenment. You can’t possibly, with your piddly little education and lack of brain power be expected to sort through the labyrinth of data yourself… So if you’re confused, that’s a GOOD SIGN! It means you are finally learning to TRUST THE EXPERTS. And if you are still confused about who they are, that’s ok, it’s people like them who make it possible to tolerate ignoramuses like you and me. Just go back and read #2. Then, let it go. The confusion will dissipate over time, and you’ll feel the enlightenment kicking in.
3. If you share it… note what happens next. Does it get you in with the right people?
Now you’re really winning the favor of MISS INFORMATION. Good job! You are beginning to understand that if you want to get anywhere in this crazy, mixed up world, you can’t go getting yourself cancelled by sharing MISINFORMATION. And, in case it isn’t abundantly clear by now what exactly constitutes misinformation, a handy thing to keep in mind is that it doesn’t necessarily have to be patently FALSE, as long as it can in any way, at any time, be falsely interpreted, by anyone. You don’t wanna get on the wrong side of the FACT CHECKERS, now do you? I didn’t think so!
… And speaking of Fact Checkers…
4. If you INSIST upon “doing your own research” (as if we weren’t all born for such a time as this when Big Tech has made it possible to alleviate us of such mundane tasks so that we can focus our energies on really important brain work, like preparing for the MetaVerse!) MAKE SURE you balance out your research with alternative views. Unless the alternative views contradict the sanctioned narrative of Big Tech. How can you know? Oh, you’ll know. Especially when you’ve been deplatformed. That’ll teach you.
5. And finally, a bit of free advice.
If at any time you are engaged with someone whose facts and data have you perplexed and unable to come up with an intelligent reply, the following are appropriate responses:
– Name calling, unfriending, blacklisting, backbiting, psaki-bombing, backpeddling (but only if absolutely necessary), boycotting, doubling down, disrespecting, doxxing, trolling, shadow-banning, and/or staging an angry & destructivve (but mostly peaceful) protest.
Of course, if all else fails, and you are determined to seek truth from a truly objective source… good luck with that. There’s no such thing. You may be surprised to hear me say that. But here’s the uncomfortable truth about the Truth. You can’t avoid bias. Sorry to be the one to break it to you. It’s either gonna be your bias, or someone else’s. No one, but NO ONE IS UNBIASED. Not even God. Oh, you think He’s indifferent? Ha! Why, He’s the most opinionated of them all. He’s not on your side. And He’s not on my side. He’s on HIS side. Period. Can you imagine such nerve? Well imagine it, friend. Cause it’s true!
When Joshua was near the town of Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with sword in hand. Joshua went up to him and demanded,
“Are you friend or foe?”
“Neither one,” he replied. “I am the commander of the LORD’s army.”
So it’s your funeral, pal. Pick your poison. Trust what you will. Trust who you will. Just know… as the great Poet Laureate Bob Dylan once said…