The Pittsburgh Left

There’s this thing here where I live, called the Pittsburgh Left.

Pittsburgh_Left
Oh, you’ve never heard of it?  Well, let me tell you all about it, friend.  It’s this cultural norm among the motorists in the land surrounding the great Steel City, whereby the very considerate driver traveling in the opposite direction from you allows, nay, expects you to take a left hand turn in front of them at an intersection. That is, assuming they themselves know and abide by the rule. I suppose it’s some kind of vehicular courtesy.  Yeah. Sure. But what it actually IS, people, is this cruel game of “wait a minute, how do I know this person is a true believer, and we’re not all going to die if I actually follow through with this madness?” game of chicken, if you ask me.

Oh, and did I mention these very same people, who are so eager to defer the right of way to you with the abject altruism of Mother Theresa, had she ever gotten behind the wheel, will also LAY ON THEIR HORN in the PROFANEST of ways (yes, their horns are actually swearing at you) should you delay more than .17 seconds at the very same light?  Cause THAT’S a thing, too.  But I digress.

What I’m trying to say is…

People are annoying.

Not you, of course.  Or me. Of course.

It’s them. Them, I tell you. Always them. THOSE people.  Over there. The ones who don’t do WHAT you want HOW you want WHEN you want… on the road or otherwise.

Harumph.

Aggravating.  That’s what they are.  Unpredictable.  Inconsistent.  Unreliable.
The whole lot of ’em.

What are we going to do with them?  How do we get them to see how unreasonable they are?  To see things OUR way?  The RIGHT way?

I mean, it’s not that we think we’re perfect.  But, ok, let’s be honest:  if everyone could just see the world through OUR lens, hear it through OUR filter, or at least have the courtesy to READ OUR MINDS, well then, don’tcha think things would run much more smoothly?

Instead, they bring THEIR life experiences, THEIR points of view, THEIR expectations into the mix, and muck up an otherwise perfectly sensible world.

Seriously.  What’s wrong with them?

Why can’t they be more like… well, like US?

Again, not that we think we’re superior or anything…  at least, we would never say that out loud…  but if nothing else, it’s pretty obvious that in a world gone mad, we are the few, the proud, the only rational ones who remain standing… and we don’t mind letting you know. The world needs us, after all. What would it do without us?

Sure, we’re all different, we all have our perspectives.  We need to honor each other.  Respect. Tolerance. Uh huh. Whatever. That’s all fine… but come on now, tolerance has its limits, right?  You’ve got to draw a line in the sand somewhere. And once you’ve crossed that line, pal, don’t expect me to play all nice.  This is about TRUTH, after all.  And TRUTH trumps tolerance.  Just like love trumps hate.  As long as YOUR truth and YOUR love falls in line with MY ideas, we’ll be just fine.  If not, well, all bets are off.  The stakes are just too high.

Bottom line is, everyone has the right to their truth. Right?  Of course. As long as YOUR truth doesn’t infringe on MY truth.  Cause, despite the sheer logical contradiction of it, truth, after all, is what we each make of it. Right?

Just like the Pittsburgh Left.

And really,  it IS them.

Not you.

And certainly not me.

 

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