The holidays are nigh upon us. (Just in case you didn’t know. I’m here for you)
And you know what that means: things are about to ramp up. And by ramp up, I mean go stark raving mad. The busyness, yes. But mostly, I’m talking about the people around you.
Cue Crazy Train theme music.
Therefore, as a public service, here’s a little Misfit PSA to help you deal with the Seasonal Screwballs in your neck of the woods.
First and foremost, it will be immensely helpful to come to terms with the fact that people around you are just going to get a little unhinged. You know it, I know it. And yet somehow it always seems to take us by surprise, the same way we who live in the north are utterly SHOCKED when it snows each winter.
Don’t be. Just reconcile yourself to it. Oh, it’s going to happen alright, sure as lake effect storms in Buffalo. Best thing you can do is brace yourself, buy a shovel, and prepare to dig through it.
It’s also good to remind yourself that when it comes to bad behavior, most people don’t mean to be jerks. In fact, I dare say they’re probably trying REALLY hard to do whatever they *think* is right and be whoever they *think* they need to be, to live their *best* lives. Even the jerky ones. Especially the jerky ones. When you think about it, hardly anyone knows they are being a jerk at the moment of their own jerkiness. And I’m not just talking about those poor heathen unchurched people, either. Come on now; you know what I mean. Sometimes that jerk might be… us. I’m certain sometimes it’s me.
The fact is, in the weeks to come, we’ll see some good will out there, for sure. But dollars to donuts, we’re also going to see an uptick in some baaaa-haaaad behavior, commensurate with all of the unfortunate stress, fatigue and perfectionism that goes hand in hand with overhyped holiday expectations. You know it. I know it. Let’s not kid ourselves and pretend to be surprised by it. Instead, let’s prepare ourselves for the inevitable.
When you think about it, hardly anyone knows they are being a jerk at the moment of their own jerkiness…
Just another Unwitting Jerk
People are going to:
Say dumb things.
Give dumb gifts.
Serve food you hate.
Show up late.
Play awful music (#TheChristmasShoes) Play mind games.
Make you play board games. (or cajole you into any number of mandatory “fun” activities)
Take your parking spot.
Black Friday Kung Fu Fight you.
Bring up stuff you’d rather forget.
Not bring up stuff you wish they would..
Forget to include you.
Forget to leave you alone.
Expect something from you.
And most of all, they will NOT meet your expectations.
And when that happens (and it will), you will be triggered.
Because, who wouldn’t be?
I mean, look at that list. (#ChristmasShoes)
People can be the worst. AmIright?
So what do we do? Well, let’s begin by taking another look at that list. There’s a whole lot of “____ is in the eye of the beholder” going on, wouldn’cha say? One man’s awful is another man’s amazing, and all that there. Everyone’s got their own trigger these days, and it’s getting harder and harder to keep track (although I think we can all agree about The Christmas Shoes). So there’s that.
Again, most people aren’t necessarily trying to be offensive. So it’s not like they’re consciously against you. They may just be thinking of themselves because they’re afraid nobody else will. Not that it necessarily justifies their jerkiness, of course. But it can be helpful to remember that much of our jerkiness comes from simply forgetting to think beyond ourselves.
Or maybe… just maaaaybe… they’re making an assumption about you, that you are full of understanding and grace, and they feel safe enough around you to be themselves?
So there’s that.
But let’s not stop there. Let’s talk about being triggered. I think that’s become my favorite topic these days. God knows I’m writing about it a lot. (any counselors out there looking for a gig?)
When that happens, we have a choice to respond in kind or… to respond in kindness. To presume the worst, or assume the best about their intentions. In other words, to give it right back or give them a break, and give them over to God, (who by the way knows their hearts better than we do).
Or maybe… just maaaaybe… they’re making an assumption about you, that you are full of understanding and grace, and they feel safe enough around you to be themselves?
A Pondering Misfit
That might sound a little bright eyed/PollyAnna… but hey, if you can’t be Pollyanna at Christmas time, when can you be? The truth is, it’s more than bright-eyed talk- it’s what we are called to, as those who have been forgiven so much. Of course, I’m talking to the Christians here. I mean, the rest of you have been forgiven, too, whether you care or not… but that’s another blogpost for another time.
The point is, we have these gifts we can lavish on others, as we have been so lavished upon. The gift of forgiveness. The gift kindness. The gift of mercy. The gift of patience. The gift of giving people a pass when they need it most. The gift of grace.
In the mortal words of that time honored theologian, Ozzy, himself:
Crazy, but that’s how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it’s not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate
And in the immortal words of the One who needs no introduction:
“Freely you have received; freely give.”
(Matt 10:8)
Amen? AMEN!
Isle of misfits 